What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
