i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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