clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
