Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
