Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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