I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
