She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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