i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
