i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
