tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
