he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
