Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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