After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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