My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
