dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
