I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
