its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
