So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
