I wanna passion pit in your ass
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
