all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
