I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So many bounce houses so little time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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