just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
