Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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