for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
