Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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