my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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