...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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