Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
