Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
