Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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