so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
