best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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