he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
