Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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