Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
