Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
