she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
