And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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