I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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