Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
