You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
