Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
