i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
