Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
