I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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