Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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