a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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