I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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