i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Randomize
