We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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