My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
