Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
