I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
