Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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