I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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