So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
vagina is talking i cant
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
