where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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