No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
