my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
