I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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