im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
