apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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