You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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