The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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