I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
