Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
