The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
