Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
