Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
