My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
