Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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