somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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