Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
